Saturday 31 March 2012

i am a cunt

so i posted something about girls on my Fitocracy and a guy i don't remember gave me a link to this Real Social Dynamics torrent. i am very dismissive of this type of thing; i associate it strongly with dickheads, but i swallowed my pride and gave it a look because i want to keep an open mind. and so far (it's bloody long; i watched a couple of hours) it's actually quite enlightening, since it's all about being happy with yourself and attracting people by having fun. i saw some of this stuff on VH1 or MTV years ago, and there was a giant douchebag in a top hat and leather trousers making a cunt of himself in front of the world. maybe this will develop into that as i watch more but so far i'm digging the self-help stuff. it's a shame the guy looks like a fat Billy Ray Cyrus but hey, whatever works.

what i found really interesting is how closely what he says mirrors my own experience with girls (and probably everyone else's, which is why it sells), right down to making an analogy between getting better at being social and lifting weights. i dedicated a lot of my life to getting good at weightlifting, and i am good at it, and people notice and know that i'm good at it, and compliment me on it. i want to apply that commitment to sorting out my social skills, because i know they need a lot of work. it's not really my fault -- i had a shit beginning in life, i was raised by people who never let me forget they weren't my parents and never made me feel welcome, i went to a horrible secondary school full of snobby, entitled, middle-class Essex pricks and had no friends, then i got bloody married and ran away to America. i'm literally starting from scratch here. but i'm not dead yet, and 26 isn't that old.

the unseasonal heat wave of the last few days has gone, and England is back to its grey, cold, windy self. which is depressing.

2 comments:

  1. Goddamnit, I have a feeling you are my future self, I'm quite depressed as of lately simply because I haven't really gotten attention from girls, I've been wanting to get into weightlifting aswell and you've been my example when it comes to that althought it's a bit hard going to the gym as a 15 year old (inb4 angsty teenager). Anyway I wanted to make this comment to make you feel better I suppose but somehow I don't believe it's done that.
    I'll be following this blog and your fitocracy profile aswell.

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  2. i don't think you're an angsty teenager, man, but you're 11 years younger than me. look at some of my posts when i'm depressed. can you imagine what a fucking state my head was in at your age? you have no concept of it when you're a teenager but you are literally a kid, and i mean that in the best possible way: everyone over 20 is jealous of you. you have so, so much time to sort this shit out, the only advice i can give you as someone older is to not worry about it, because you'll be fine long before you qualify as an adult

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