i have reached a point where i have enough belief in myself to know that i can talk to people without drugs or alcohol, but i'm so used to relying on them i can't seem to give them up, or even moderate them, but i know it's having a detrimental effect on my life because i'm ALWAYS drunk or high, which means nobody ever gets to see the "real" me and often i'm too embarrassed to look at or speak to somebody because i know they'll see how fucking high i am straight away.